Ever had that dream where you show up somewhere in clothes that are totally wrong… or perhaps wearing none at all? Remember the scene in Bridget Jones’ Diary where the protagonist attends a party wearing a Bunny Girl costume… only, it isn’t a fancy dress party?

Being unsuitably dressed for an occasion is a fear shared by many. Why is it such a big deal?

Wearing inappropriate clothing marks us as an outsider – the person who didn’t understand the social rules.

Even the choice of a single accessory can be fraught with pitfalls for the socially unwary. Wearing an unsuitably loud tie, or even just one with stripes instead of spots, choosing a handbag in the wrong colour, or carefully matching all our accessories together too well perfectly – any of these mistakes can signal clearly that we don’t belong.

And it’s not just when trying to impress snooty people at posh formal gatherings that we need to worry. Lower down the social scale, buying the wrong brand of trainers, or wearing clothes that look too immaculately new, or picking a t-shirt with the wrong kind of slogan or band name can have exactly the same effect.

As a topic for creative writing, this visible display of being an outsider can be an excellent way to show (rather than tell) readers what a character is like. Do they swagger rebelliously into the ritzy restaurant, knowing their outfit will shock the boring people who try to fit others’ expectations? Or are they consumed with embarrassment as they slink in, hoping to go unnoticed?

If you prefer writing memoirs, perhaps you recall a wedding where someone turned up in a white dress, upsetting the bride? Or a day when you got in trouble for wearing yellow socks to school? What happened next?

The wrong clothes can be dangerous.

Many jobs have dress codes for good reason. Frilly skirts, trailing shoelaces or baggy clothing can get caught in factory machinery, or create hygiene hazards when working with food. Specialist footwear and headgear are needed on building sites to provide protection against horrific accidents.

Outside working hours, dangers can also come from inappropriate clothes for some leisure pursuits, particularly sports and physical activities such as rock-climbing and caving. Lack of protection against sudden changes in the weather can be a classic – and even fatal – rookie mistake.

These hazards could make a funny poem, or become plot points for a story, and often reveal character, too. What kind of a person knows a piece of clothing could be dangerous to wear, but risks it anyway for the sake of their appearance?

Personally, I solved these sartorial dilemmas by deciding several years ago that I will not attend any event or gathering where wearing jeans would not be appropriate. Not that I insist on wearing jeans, but if it’s too posh for jeans, I’m not going. (Actually, yes, I do insist on wearing jeans! Our wedding was the only exception).

Our next gathering is a social get together for drinkies at Yelf’s Hotel in Union Street, Ryde, on Tuesday 31 August, 7pm onwards. New writers are welcome to drop in for a spot of liquid encouragement!

To share your Unsuitably Dressed assignment or any other new writing, the next Island Writers meeting is at our house on Tuesday 7 September, 7pm-9pm. If you haven’t been before, contact Emily via the Island Writers Facebook group.

The eagle-eyed ones among you will have spotted something missing from our last meeting, on Tuesday 21st April.

Like… umm… all of it.

I’m afraid I have been conspicuous by my absence – I had intended to try to set up Zoom meetings for Island Writers, but I haven’t worked out how to do it yet. I’ll try for next time, so please sign up for a free account on Zoom now, while you’re waiting for an invitation from me. I’m certain you all miss me so much, you’d love your screen to be filled with a large image of my face!

Something else that’s been missing from my life in the last few weeks is creative writing. I’ve been editing two books for friends, and have barely glanced at my own books for over a month.

Yesterday, I finished editing the second book and heaved a sigh of relief. Finally, I could get on with my writing.

And then a new Facebook message popped up – another friend asked me to edit their book! Well, I will, of course (because I love editing), but this month, I’m determined that I will also make time for my own work. I keep monthly stats of how much writing I’ve done, and last month’s are positively embarrassing! And, anyway, I miss writing.

So I’ve decided that our next writing topic should be Missing.

• Who or what are you missing most, during lockdown? A person, a pet, a place, an activity, a feeling?
• Is there something you miss for another reason, perhaps something you enjoyed as a child, which is no longer available?
• Is your short story or poem about a missing item… or a missing person?
• Is your character missing an appointment, or an important target?
• Is something important missing from your (or your character’s) life?

Oh, and by the way… no pressure, but…

This assignment is the last one before the first Island Writers book is published, so if you want your writing to be in it – don’t miss this chance!

And don’t forget to sign up for Zoom, ready for our first online meeting, which I hope will be Tuesday 5th May at 7pm (to be confirmed).

Hope to see you all soon.

I miss you xx